Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Forgiveness

       I sat in my car with fear in my soul.  I was thinking "What if they didn't like me?", "What if I was still the outcast?", "DO they remember the pain they put me through?". Maybe they don't remember the cruel things they used to do to me back in school but I do. My life has gotten better since High School but sitting here outside of my 20th High School Reunion makes all the pain and memories come back. Once I finally got the courage to go inside the people that were once my worst fear, were smiling and greeting me with warm thoughts. I remember seeing people and apologized about the mean pranks and harsh words he used to say to me. A couple people also brought up my book that I was writing and made a sad face when they found out that they were in it as bullies. Abunch of people invited me out to go grab some drinks with them afterwards. While we were sitting at the bar, laughing, having a great time with eachother, I realized that the past is the past. I can finally forgive them!

Monday, May 14, 2012

The scars


       I've officially lost it .The pain is finally unbearable! I cant believe what I did last night but I wanted to make them pay. All of them! Pay for the pain they've put me through and the problems they've made my family experience. . All the pain and anger that the people have caused me i just wanted to get them back. I've never done anything like this before, it's not like me. I just raised the knife and told my mom how I was going to make them pay for all of this. But from what I remember of last night I cut myself. I woke up this morning thinking it was all a dream until I felt the rough bandages on my face. Now am I not only left with visible scars on my face for now but the invisible ones I also carry on my heart. All their cruel words that people have said to me will be permanent scars on my heart that I will NEVER be able to forget. 

The Pain

        I'm sorry I'm such an outcast. All I want to do is fit in. I've always been told to be myself but what has that gotten me? Nothing. No wait, it got me punched, kicked, spat on and more. I come home with bruises and blood and dirt covering my clothes. I'm tired of hurting and acting like the pain isn't cutting me deep like a knife just for the sake of my parents. My parents say I cant always run away from my problems but what if the problems are making me feel like I'm in a bottomless pit where no-one can hear my screams. I try to ignore the kids as much as possible but after a while it's just to much. I'm sick of it all !